Pain

I want you to imagine something.

I want you to imagine a cut, a deep cut. Got it? Good...

Cuts scab over, and so does this one. But you, you're a little neurotic and when you have a scab you tend to pick at it. Picking at it hurts but you do it anyway. Soon the scab is gone and you skin is stinging and raw and probably bleeding again.

A little time passes and another scab appears. You pick it off again. And again. And again... Then finally the skin becomes tough and heals but in the scabs place is a scar, a permanent scar that will never go away. Scars are ugly. What do we do with ugly things? Hide them. On goes the makeup; on goes the mask. The scar isn't gone, it will never be gone. But at least no one knows it's there.

In time even you forget the scar, hiding it is habit and the pain behind it is long gone. But the effects of that long ago pain still lurk in the corners of your mind, toying with your emotions. Suddenly hiding a scar isn't enough. Suddenly nothing is good enough. Weight, height, looks, feelings, thoughts, words, none of it is good enough and it all needs to be covered up. But covering it all up takes time, effort, energy.... And after awhile weariness sets in. What's the point in hiding? What's the person behind the mask become?

Who knows. You don't even know. You're so entangled in a world of pains felt over and over until you made yourself tough enough to ignore them. But the pains are still there. And no matter how you seek peace, no matter how you seek solice, you cannot find it... You know the One who heals all pain and takes away all sorrow. You love that One desperately. And yet... You still long for physical arms to hold you; for a physical voice to sing away your fears and promise you the sun will shine again. All around you are others who have what you seek, it seems so easy to find what you yourself are longing for but seem so unable to attain. Why. Why?

Pain is a monster. It swallows you alive and chokes you to death. But how do you define a pain for which there are no words? You can't.

BUT.

There is only hope.

There is always hope.

You just have to be willing to seek it, and when you find it: willing to accept it.

Lord, send your hope to me. Heal this aching heart and set me free. Make me a new creation in you. I want the freedom to make a change, I don't want to stay chained to the past anymore. Save me. Save me.